VULNERABLE + LONG POST ahead
What’s going on family? Here’s the deal:
It’s MENTAL AWARENESS MONTH and it’s been weighing on my heart to make a post like this, here it goes.
I’ve grown up most of my life being heavier than most. I’ve been teased, poked and told “do you know how fat you are? ; Look at the meat on your arms, they’re flabbing. ; look at your stomach. ; Oh you’ve gained weight, you need to lose some.” I won’t sit here and tell you that I didn’t play a part in my choices of how I nourish my body, because I did and I still do.
But while some think that they come in the name of “love” saying those above comments, they’ve hurt me more than anything. Are they aware they hurt me? Yes, I have vocalized it. Are they sorry? No, they’re not, in fact I’ve been told I was being sensitive or that I was overreacting. 🤷🏾♀
So now, how does one deal with forgiving someone that’s not sorry in the first place?
God only knows and he’s working on my heart.
In this above picture, my girl Dolores coached me on how to pose confidently, as she captured photos of me. And though she did a wonderful job, looking at the picture I didn’t like my body shape, since this isn’t how I normally pose, because I was insecure… because because because, for more underlying reasons, than one.
But you know what? I’m tired.
I am not going to wait to love myself and my body later.
Later when I can fit into a smaller pair of pants.
Later, when those people who commented on my weight finally accept me, because I fit in this cookie cutter box that they’ve intended for me to be like or to look like.
Later later later…
If that was the case there were would be no point in the journey because life would look a lot more like a destination of doing/enjoying things WHEN we get somewhere.
I’m crying as I write this, because all of this is more than the eye sees, more than words can say and more than what an Instagram/Blog post can contain.
God has allowed this body to carry me through till this day. He’s allowed for it to heal. What is there not to love about that? I want to explore what this body is capable of as I take steps towards wholeness; But in each step I have to believe + remind myself that I am enough in that moment, that I am spiritually whole in Christ, that Jesus loves every inch of me, but most importantly that I am worthy of love, self-love that is.
So here’s to wholeness
Here’s to positive body image
Here’s to all shapes sizes, skin tones and heights
Here’s to our differences
Here’s to confidence
Here’s to the feelers; The ones that can admit that something has affected them and this is the emotion they feel in that moment. You’re not over sensitive and you’re not over reacting and you’re absolutely NOT crazy.
Here’s to basking in the Father’s love.
Here’s to genuine, unconditional love that knows no bounds.
Here’s to SELF LOVE. #WholeJoyJourney
Peace & love always✌🏾